"Kau nyer turn bila pulak??!!! Takkan nak single sampai tua!!!"
"Kau nak jadik andartu eh??!!"
"Cerewet nak mamposss… tu pasal sampai sekarang masih belum kahwin!""

HISH! HISH! ARGH!! ARGH!!! RARRR!!!!!
Berdesing seh telinga! Darah up siak!

Tell me about it! Tell me about it! I hear you!! Those lines (mysteriously heard during happy occasions i.e Hari Raya gatherings/jemputan kahwin/birthday gatherings… and are never heard during sad occasions i.e. funerals) always come out from the mouths of our own bloodlines (parents, makciks, pakciks, atok, nenek and all the old people in this world) and if you're damn unlucky/lucky, from close friends.

I've heard those lines so many times in my life that if I'm given an opportunity to string their words into a chain of insults, the world will be wrapped with the chain for ten times… or maybe eleven. I've reach my saturation point. I believe I am now smart. I am now able to keep my anger in check and most times, when I'm shot with these questions, I'm now able to reply in the most amazing and fashionable way… "Belom jodoh." I normally like add a lil' smile at the end. Deep inside me, I'm conjuring images that's almost funny to mention here, exercising my brain to create new words of insult and thinking of ways to … to … to…

WHY… I wonder.. Salah BESAU ker… kalau I masih single in this new generation? Will people wonder and talk behind my back, whispering comments about my ability or ahem… should I say inability to attract the opposite sex? Will people think that I'm so cerewet (what an ugly word! I hate that word!)? Will people say that I have such high expectations hence explaining my current and permanent mode of hibernation? I can think of a thousand WHYS… but I shall not think too much. It makes my head hurt.

Let's go straight to the point.
Marriage.
Yep, that's the infamous word. Your interpretation of the word "marriage" might be different from the person who sits next to you in the train.. however, everyone (who's normal like you and me) understands that marriage is a "commitment" between two people. Firstly, these two people must be committed to build a future together, to share dreams, hopes, thoughts and failures and ultimately, create more babies to ensure that our country won't be classified as an aged country in the next ten years… hahahahha! Angkat gamen skit! LOL!

Sure… it's worrying to be a part of an aging population.. but we must remember that one of the reasons as to why we're still single is that we're the "results of circumstances". You married people can rejoice now… as you're definitely not part of my talk. You have willingly stepped out of the circle and exposed yourself to a whole new life. I hate to take sides, but for now, I'm not dealing with you. All those people yang dah sign contract for life, you got my utmost respect. I take my hats of you for being so brave and determined to embark into a whole new life, scary but exciting nevertheless.

If you're married, perhaps you can stop reading here. Right here.

If you're married, but still suffer from bouts of insecurities, you can go on reading. I won't stop you.

For all you singletons, you can continue reading coz I'm writing this special piece just for you. I hear you, I say.

Tadi, I was talking about "results of circumstances". You all mesti tengah garuk kepala… apa kebenda tu "results of circumstances"? Fear not… I will explain further..

We are the "results of circumstances".. Eh, repeat lagik… Sorry eh, LOL! Shows like Desperate Housewives, Sex and the City, Ally McBeal, Friends and so on… portray women in new lights. Let's focus on 1 show for now… SATC.. In this show, single women are being celebrated & glorified but the show ends with a rather particularly disturbing message, i.e. all the women actually find "love" with some men… It's totally mind-boggling… and contradicting, I must say. HELLO! It's like saying that we love being single but we actually desire to find the right man to experience complete happiness. I'm confused, this is utter insanity! Dayammm. I always wonder… if we're glad to be associated with these women, why are we afraid to proclaim to the world that we are secretly in awe of the people who're happily married? Why are we celebrating our singlehood when we're actually suffering from depression of being single? The truth is in you. Tell no one.

I think I'm qualified to talk about singlehood after being single (by choice lah - mesti cover skit okayyy) for many years. I'm not retarded lah.. I've had my fair share of happy relationships, longest being 5 years. The joys, happiness, pain and suffering… they're all worth it! But, after 5 years, my better half started acting dreamy and contemplated with the idea of marriage… at that point of time, I decided that I had to get out. Yes. At that moment, I was suffering from a disease. The Frenchs called it "la phobie d'engagement". Phobia of being committed. Scary! Now, of course, I've matured and I'm completely cured! Hahah!

The words "phobia" and "commitment" when used together are actually two very common words… almost celebrated openly yet sacred among singles, like me. Ask any singles: "Why aren't you married?".. They will tell you: "Phobia… scared of commitment.. no money… (this is commonly heard from the guys funnily).. yada yada yada.." No one in the right mind would want to be labeled a singleton all their lives.. Heck, even me! I love to be married one day, have kids and grow old with my husband after years of happy marriage.. but reality check… I'm not. What a downer!

So, why are you still single?

"Dah putus cinta! Takut nak main cinta lagik! I give up lahhhh!"
Ahhhh common!!! This is such a standard reason.. given by anyone who've just stepped out of a failed relationship.

"Lerrr… I kan materialistic.. I suka my guy to have a BIG car, BIG motor, BIG & FAT wallet,… ahh… nak semua yang BIG BIG BIG!!! "
Kalau guys pulak, they'll give you reasons like:

"Alahhh.. Aku nak yang rambut panjang, muka macam _______ (insert their dream girl's name), badan macam _________ (insert FHM model's name) .. bla bla bla…"
Grrrrrrrr!! Another typical yet common reason given by shallow individuals.

"Aku masih nak ENJOY! Kahwin macam beban gitu!"
Errr…. I tak nak comment banyak-banyak. Ni macam punya reason… pon very common.

"Alah… Kau tengok lah aku ni. Rupa takde, harta takde, pelajaran takde… sapa nak? *tone mesti step humble*"
<insert muzik orchestra yang tangkap sedih>

I can list down more reasons.. but I'm sure all you clear-headed people have got the jist of my article. Ader yang dah serik nak main ngan cinta, ader yang terlalu over, ader yang masih nak enjoy and ader yang masih dalam circles of confusion.

So.. instead of being committed to find their perfect halves, they allow themselves to be lured into this dark world of singlehood. They drift in and out of this world and condemn everyone who seems to strike lucky in love. Refusing to admit defeat (nak save face lah, in other words), they are constantly heard all over world proclaiming their state of independence and invincibility.

We are STRONG! We are FREE! We can LIVE ALONE! We don't need anyone to support us in our life! We rather grow old with cats (I got nothing against cats, believe me… but hey, I'll take growing old with a man and having a lovable cat around ANYTIME)! We are SUPERIOR!! We are SUPERHUMANS!!!

Stop it! Stop all this BULL!

These people are celebrating singlehood for all the wrong reasons. One good reason for being single while one is still in Singapore is definitely the costs of living and ultimately… the setting up a family. Children are expensive business, period. Education is expensive.. housing is expensive… pampers are expensive.. milk powders are expensive… booties & mittens are expensive… susu botols are expensive… ah ah ah.. Get a grip, will ya! Kalau nak cakap pasal dollars & cents, sampai besok pon tak sudah!! Let us have mature thoughts… if having ten kids is too expensive, stop at two or one lah! You all tak pernah dengar of "family planning" issit? Be smart! Or, if having kids is too much of a hassle (you know they shouldn't be!), then, for goodness sake, plan your future! Have fun during the early stages of marriage… then when the both of you are financially stable, plan for the kiddos. If you can never be financially stable, I don't know how to help you… I digress.

Trust me.. no one can live their lives being alone forever. It's a dark and lonely journey and no one in the right mind wants to go through that journey. Not me, I know. Not you too. You wouldn't want your sad story being published in the papers, rite? No offence.. but life can be really exciting and challenging if you give yourself and others a chance. You're not that bad, aren't you? You don't look like Frankenstein (hey, even good ol' Frankenstein has a couple of great qualities!), you can reproduce rite (if you can't, reading this article won't help you a bit, go see your friendly neighbourhood specialist!) and you definitely have a sense of humour (believe in yourself.. don't be such a wuss!)

With the exception of the young and dangerous, the rest of us (the normal ones with average looks and average everythings) are still single for many reasons. Your reason might be different from mine. But, let me assure you that we all share the same dream of meeting the right person and living happily with that person till the end of time. For now, let all singletons unite.

Enjoy the journey of singlehood and see what life has in store for you. Open up your mind, heart and eyes… take your time on the ride. You will eventually stop at one place and find happiness.